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Keith: Rhymes With, Suck Me Off
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| So I forgot my password and never cared enough to figure it out |
[28 Jan 2007|12:29am] |
I have not written in this for the lognest time. At least I think I haven't. It seems that way. But time is a funny thing.
And just like that, my brilliance is back on livejournal with this pathetic post. I'm figuring no one noticed I hadn't written in this thing for so long anyway.
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[05 Aug 2006|02:30am] |
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music |
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dogwood-come back down |
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I spent the dya with Cristina. She's amazing and we're perfect for each other. I can't remember feeling btter than I do when I'm holding her in my arms. This is love. This is what life's about.
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[11 Oct 2005|11:18pm] |
Today was a rough day. It's ok though cause they'll just get better. I got a big part in my school show. I hope I do good and portray the anger correctly. It should be fun. I hope they don't censor it to much.
I'll update more tomorrow. See yuh.
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[09 Oct 2005|08:31pm] |
Fuckshitdamncuntbastardbitch.
I am so sick of being single it's amazing. So sick of it. I just want a relationship. I just want to like someone and have them like me. Is that to much? Is it really to much?
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[04 Oct 2005|03:48pm] |
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music |
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alkaline trio-take lots with alcohol |
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Second day off in a row. I did nothign today as of yet. And I have homework to do later, so I doubt I'll end up doing anything at all. It sort of makes me bummed, cause I'd rather be doing something. Oh well.
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[27 Sep 2005|10:35pm] |
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music |
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switchfoot-you |
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I'm sick of high school. Of popularity. Of parties. Of all of it. I want to graduate and go to college and start fresh. I'll keep in contact with the people that matter, but besides them, no one else will hear from me. I just want to get by this year, rock the sats, and get into ramapo. A new enviorment could do me much good. Maybe.
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[21 Sep 2005|06:54pm] |
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music |
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postal service-sleeping in |
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I am going to quit my job. Cause I don't like it and school and work are colliding and school is more important. It sucks cause money is nice. I'll try to apply to cold stone or barnes and nobel. But I bet the same thing will happen.
Oh well. I'll update when I get back.
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[16 Aug 2005|08:12pm] |
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music |
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Plain White T's-My Only One |
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Oh boy. I went to the carnival last night with Stephanie* and Rob*. I drove to her house with him and then we walked up. there were a bunch of people up there and no one I really wanted to see. But hey, whatever. We all got bored and walked over to Harding and sat in the playground and talked. Stephanie* said she would have murdered me if I was ont he Titanic. I sat on the bottom fo the slide and cried. It was awful.
We walked back to her house and I walked her to the door. I really wanted to kiss her, but her parents were sitting and could see me. So I settled for a hug. I think I need to kiss her. Just make a move. Stop being a pussy and just go for it. I really don't have anything to lose.
Today I had work. It wasn't too bad and I'm really glad it wasn't. They taught me how to make the drinks. It's all pretty easy an everyone is extremely helpful. And there is a little chart telling you what you need to add and do to make it. I don't work again till friday. I should make pretty good money though on this pay check. I want to buy a cd player for my car and have it installed. But fist I'm going to have to pay for my text messagin overages. Fucking people who love to text me. I mean come on, it's rude not to text them back! Jeez.
I think I'm going tot ake a shower and then head up to the carnival maybe. Just because I have no lfie and I kind of want ice cream or something.
I'll update if something fun happens. SEE YUH!
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[23 Jul 2005|02:55am] |
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music |
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radiohead-stop playing guitar |
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I did the show again. Btter then last night. Saw INto The Woods. My friend is so tlanted and it's my favorite show. Now I need sleep. Better update tomorrow I promise.
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[18 Jul 2005|01:08am] |
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music |
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alkaline trio-blue in the face |
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Long day. With play practice. Wasn't bad though.
Family problems weighing heavy on me now. I wish everything would just work out. I really do.
Laura* is coming home tomorrow. I hope I hang out with her. It would be nice.
And that's how an entry that could have been real long was made short.
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[21 Jun 2005|10:22pm] |
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I hung out with my friend Brian tonight. me and brian haven't hung out in awhile so it was nice. We went to the menlo park mall, and then to westfield. We got gelato cause its so good, and then we went to 7/11 cause we are that cool. And then we went to a park by my house and just hung out. It's beautiful out tonight and I think way too much. Just thought everyone should know if they didn't. I just want to feel. I don't want to think anymore.
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| Great Tales |
[21 Jun 2005|12:31am] |
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music |
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postal service-sleeping in |
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Yesterday I hung out with Randy again. It was weird that we haven't hung out in a long time and then two nights in a row we do. It was fun though. I hope we make hanging out a more less sporadic event during the summer. We didn't doa nythign in aprticular. We went tot he a&p and I got cookies cause they are so good. Then we walked around and ate the cookies. Theyw ere snickers cookies and if you haven't tried them, then you must. So delicious. Then we walked around as I consumed them, and shared them too cause I wanted to spread the wealth. I'm good like that. Then we passed by Mandy's house.Mandy and Randy are more firendly then me and Mandy, but we called her out and I gave her a cookie. Like I said, I'm good like that. We walked around and Mandy said how she had a big secret. The secret was that she smoked, and I was dissapointed that my guess of her being pregnant was wrong. She smokes Menthal cigarettes which I think are the worst. Not meaning I've smoked them, but I mean, worst for your health. Anyway, our friend Elizabeth drove by with her sister. Elizabeth drives, and her sister is younger. We got into the car and went to the diner I was at a few nights ago with Brittany and Amie, before I started using false names. And the same gay waiter was there and he kept on looking at me. I felt so uncomfortable and left the dienr and waited by the car. Randy was nice and waited with me. I don't think he really wanted to be there either. Finally Elizabeth and Mandy came out and we left. They dropped Randy off and I live by him so I just walked the rest of the way. I could use the excercise anyway.
That night I decided something involving a girl. Me and Debbie talked for awhile. And I really like her. And, I don't know if she likes me. Sometiems she does, and other times she doesn't. That's what she says. And I think that's ok. I men, people can't control feelings. And I know that first hand. I just kinda hope that maybe Debbie will give me a chance. I don't know if that's asking for too much. I hope it isn't.
Anyway, it's late and I have school tomorrow. A pointless day, yes, but it still means getting up early. So, ok. Good night.
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| the warrior's code |
[18 Jun 2005|11:49pm] |
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blink 182-whats my age again |
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I don't know if I should use people's real names anymore. Because, maybe they might feel awkward if they stumble across this. The only problem is I may be to lazy to do that. I'm not sure.
Ok. This entry begins here. My house is a mess because we are currently trying to re-do my whole house without actually changing much. I'm trying to help out but I don't know if theres much I can actually do. All I know is that everyone was very tense and I didn't like it very much. But I do like the mix I made. I'll list the track listing at the end. The theme was songs that make me feel things. Such a horrible theme, but I understand it so that's all that matters. I'll skip all the boring things that happened today and tell you about my night. Where I rename people. Because that works best. I was bored and I hung out with my friend Randy. We don't hang out a lot, though we talk in school so it was nice to hang out outside of those stupid hallways. We walked around town, I got some italian ice and then Randy got some ice cream. He finished his ice cream and I dumped my italian ice some where. I didn't feel like eating it anymore. It's not that it wasn't good, bubble gum flavor, I just lost interest in it. So then we walked down to the park by our houses and hung out. It was fun. We walked around and then he lit an indian cigarette. I'm not sure exactly what it was but it smelled like ginger bread and I really wanted to try one. Randy offered but I felt to guilty. Like I would let down my family. I hate my conscience sometimes. Then we went back to his house and hung out in his room. We looked at a year book and talked about the different people in it. It's greta having a friend you can be open with. I try to be open with everyone, but it's easier with some people. Randy being one of those people.
Tomorrow my brother and his wife are coming over. So is there niece which is nice. I love them all very much. Especially my niece. She is so cute and she loves that Kelly Clarkson song 'since you've been gone' and she mouths it and dances. And it's the cutest thing ever. And I could go on and on about how cute she is but whywaste your time, right? So instead I'll say good night and I hope you had a good day and have a great day tomorrow. Wish your dad a good one. He works hard for you, and loves you very much. At least I hope he does.
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| I like her reasons, there just as good as some reasons of mine |
[18 Jun 2005|01:39pm] |
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Tonight was a good night. I haven't had a good night in awhile. I hung out with two great girls and we walked over to cranford. We were walking by some kids sitting together, probably stoned out of their mind, and they started asking us questions. I answered back with stupid answers because that's what stupid questions get. I don't think they liked me much. Then me and Brittany held hands because she was nervous about the guy walking behind us. Then he said something along the lines of, oh young love is so sweet, and it made me feel happy inside. I don't know if it was because I was holding Brittany's hand and we looked like a couple, or if it was because I would love to be in love with someone and have them love me. I would love that a whole lot. Then we went into the diner and our waiter was gay, I think. I don't care what you do in your bedroom as long as you don't force me to be a part of it. If he was gay, that's totally fine with me. But he hit on me. I was never so uncomfortable in my life. It was awkward and I was pressured into buying French toast and it wasn't even good. Last time I ever go to that diner. Thankfully Amie was a pal and pretended to be my girl friend. She did a real "great" job at it too. I don't think I've ever heard someone be so blatant about faking something. Oh well. Then we walked home and it was very dark. And the walk home was all down streets with no street lights and by forests which only added to the "eerie" feeling. It was nice though cause Brittany held my hand for basically the whole walk home. It made me real happy. I wish I could feel like that all the time. We finally got up to the boulevard and Brittany called her sister and they were going to hang out, or something. And Amie went home and refused to let me walk her home because I live all the way across town. I wouldn't have minded, but she told me that she would feel horrible about making me go out of my way and I don't want to make anyone feel anything but good anymore. So we hugged and kissed on the cheek and said bye. Amie’s a real nice person and I hope she had a good time. I stayed with Brittany and waited for her sister to come by to pick her up. After a few minutes of us sitting on the bench in front of the cutting crew, her sister came by with some of her friends, music blaring. I didn't particularly like the music but it at least broke the awkward silence. Brittany gave me a hug and then went into the car. I hope she had a nice night and realizes how much I love her for being there for me. She's stuck by me through so much and I appreciate it more then she'll ever know. As I was walking down to my house I called my mom to tell her I was on my way. I didn't want her to worry about me and I figured I would be a good son if I called. So I did. And she came by as I was sitting on the steps of my church and she let me drive home which was good because I need the practice before I take my drivers test. Which is less then a month away! I'm really excited and hope I pass. I can't wait to be able to go places on my own. I'll be a good safe driver too. I know it. Now, I'm working on making a mix with songs that make me feel things. Not necessarily one kind of feeling, but just feelings in general. Songs that make me feel something big. For example, 'you've got so far to go' by alkaline trio, really reminds me of the summer and when I really liked this girl. It will probably not always remind me of walking home in the humid summer air to get to her air conditioned house, but for now it does and it makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I remember when I felt like that, and I remember how it felt to have this big dream of us getting together maybe, even if I never really thought I had much of a chance. I think the bad part of that is self explanatory so I won't bother telling you. Another song is 'in circles' by sunny day real estate. If you ever have the money or ability to buy their album diary please do it. If you are anything like me, it will change you. Not in any significant way, but you won't be able to just listen to the record and not feel anything. You'll feel something, maybe many things. It’s such an amazing experience to just sit there and get lost in the music. I hope that I never go deaf because then I would never get to experience that feeling again, and that would be a horrible thing. I need to focus on the now anyway. I don't know if I'll go deaf when I get older. It doesn't really matter because the future doesn't count as much as the now. And now I feel ok. And if I could always feel like this, just being ok with everything, then maybe I'd feel better all the time and I would learn to appreciate those nights alone in my room even more.
Oh, earlier today I decided to walk around. I didn't know exactly what I get out of walking. I always thought I was walking to clear my head, but I never clear it. If anything it makes me think more, and I don't know if thinking is a good thing, but I know it can be very confusing. I guess that's the price I pay for being me. But anyway, I was thinking about me and my opinions. Like, about drugs and stuff. I won't lie, I really wanted to drink tonight. That was the first thing I wanted to do. I wanted to drink and forget my problems. Even if just for the night. I don't drink often so I figured I could get drunk fairly easily if my stomach was empty and I drank fast. I tried to go to someone's house and hoped that there would be alcohol, but I never got invited and I didn't feel like showing up unannounced. It all turned out for the better though. So sometimes things work out. So after I tried to get to the "party" I talked to two friends who were high. At least the one was and she is very nice to me, and I thank her for that. The other girl, I haven't talked to her in awhile, but she is always very sweet to me. I wish everyone could be sweet all the time. But that's getting off topic. The one girl said she was high and she didn't seem high to me. I don't know what she has to gain for lying, and I'm sure that she was high. But I don't know if it mattered to me. But she kept on telling me that she was high. "I'm high right now." "I'm so high right now." " I won't lie Keith, I'm real high right now." It was very much like that. I really didn't care if she was or wasn't. It didn't matter to me at that much. Then I started to wonder why I was so against something I never tried. Maybe it's because I see what a lot of the people that do it often are like. And I never want to be like them. But, this girl, she does it a lot and she is a smart girl who is always so nice to me and loves her friends more then anyone I know. It doesn't change her. Maybe it only changes some people. I'm really not sure. I still don't think I will ever do it though. I think I would feel weak if I did. I don't want to be weak.
This was a very long entry and I really rambled a lot. I'm sorry if it was boring, at all. I don't think I would read about my life if I were you. Hell, I don't know if I want to read it now. All I know right now is that Benadryl takes me to the closest thing of me being high. And I take Benadryl far to much.
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[16 Jun 2005|08:59pm] |
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the smiths-asleep |
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I decided to go for a walk because I felt worthless and whenever I feel worthless I go for walks. Because it’s all I can do. I walked by the park by my house and I saw three young girls playing on the swings. One looked a little older and seemed like she thought the swings were too kiddy for her. But the two younger girls were having so much fun. I wanted to yell out to the girl. Say, “have fun and be young because it’s the best times of your life!” I just looked and then stared down at the ground and continued walking. I went to the corner store to buy a candy bar, a milky way to be really descriptive. They usually cheer me up. Not today. So I called people on my phone. Only two picked up. And I had nothing to say. I guess I was running to other people to make me feel better. I don’t blame them for not picking up. It was probably for the best. I wouldn’t have much to say and I would just waste their time. So I kept on walking and saw people going about their lives. I wondered how they were feeling right now. Wondered if they were having any problems right now. Any self doubt. I wondered if they felt worthless at all. I wondered why I cared. Then I walked by the bus stop near my house and two Mexicans were there and the one stared me down and as I passed they talked real loud in Spanish. And looked back and they were looking at me and laughing. And I didn’t think much of it, but they were probably saying mean things about me. And they had to do it in Spanish because they’re cowards. And I don’t ever want to be a coward. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone, and yet I have. And I think back to the times where I was hurt by someone. And it makes me sad to know I’m just the same way. I don’t want to be the same. I am better then that. I have to be better then that.
Edit:Whatever...
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| Head checked |
[04 Jun 2005|02:07am] |
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music |
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mxpx-provie it to the world |
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I need to sleep. It's far to late. But I'm one of the few in my junior class who's not taking the sats. I already took them and hate myself for my horrible score. I suck so much and deserve to be shot. Oh well.
I don't know what I'm doing. Besides sleeping in of course. I love free saturdays with no obligations. I hope I do soemthing fun. I need to have fun.
That'll do it.
Ps: My niece is cuter then anything you have ever seen. Unless it was my niece, which then emans you have seen the best thign ever.
Ps#2: I'm going to be famous one day. Just thought you should know.
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| Sleepless |
[31 May 2005|08:03pm] |
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music |
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alkaline trio-private eye |
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I haven't been honest in my journal. What's the point of a journal if you can't be honest with it? My first totally honest entry.
I'm terrified of being alone. I'm terrified of maybe missing out on soemthing great. All these missed chances scare me cause I don't know if tomorrow will be my last day or not. That scares me so much. I really want something to work out. I really want something in particular. Haven't I been good? Haven't I been nice? Haven't I cared a whole lot?
I don't like to wish on stars, but I'm going to hope they are all out tonight...
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| Settling |
[30 May 2005|11:53pm] |
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music |
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ben folds five-smoke |
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I don't know...
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| Move mountains |
[29 May 2005|07:23pm] |
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music |
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alkaline trio-'97 |
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I think I'm just going to settle into this single way of thinking. Accept me for what I am. A nice guy who is single and unhappy about it. But hey, they say when you are at the worst part of our life it can bring out either the worst or best in you. I hope it brings out the best.
I think my problem is I fallw ay toe asily. I know that it's not just me falling for any girl. But, when I do, I fall hard and put my foot in my mouth. I'm horrible with feelings.
Summer is coming soon enough, and I'll get my license and maybe that will be awesome. Maybe I get into an accident and die, who knows?
I think my main problem with life is I feel I need someone else to make me happy. And I still think that now. I'm jsut going to accept not being happy now. Whatever. I've done it before so I can do it again.
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| Stumble |
[29 May 2005|12:46pm] |
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music |
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my chemical romance-cemetary drive |
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Let me take this time to apologize
I constantly stumble on my words
Again and again it's the same routine
I never want to do things like this
I have begun to cave into my own body
Falling apart as I mutter words
Senseless words but full with feeling and truth
Maybe I should just bite my tongue
If I could do anything to set eveyrthing right
All these wrongs I've commited in this fucking laughable life
I would give anything to make thinks ok
Turn over a new leaf and start a new day
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keith_19's journal